Project You! Don't Feel So Guilty

Project You!

Week 2: Don’t Feel So Guilty

Last week we looked at how to stop trying to please everyone else and to take time out for yourself, you can read that post HERE.

Today, I want to talk about guilt. We all carry a certain amount of guilt around with us. It’s healthy to feel a small portion of responsibility or remorse. Telling your kids you can’t afford an ice-cream (because you’re secretly saving for a spa weekend) comes with only a small sliver of shame.

But what about the guilty pleasures? No, I’m not talking about Johnny Depp (for once!), I’m referring to the duvet day you dream about, or that unscheduled pit stop in life when you binge watch all eight Harry Potter films.

Project You! Stop Trying to Please Everyone

Project You!

Week 1: Stop Trying To Please Everyone

My children break up for the school Easter holidays today, and they bounced out of the door this morning with a definite spring in their step (no pun intended!)

If you’re anything like me, you’ll have stocked the cupboards with Easter chocolate and hot cross buns, and there will be a vase of beautiful daffodils taking pride of place on the kitchen table.  Two weeks of family time is something to look forward to, and I intend to use this holiday to mix my own goals with special treats for the kids.

Does that sound horrifying?  Should I spend the next two weeks entertaining my three teenagers, doing double shifts on the cleaning because they are at home and, therefore, making more of a mess?  Maybe I should be slaving over a hot stove to prepare the Easter lunch, or perhaps rushing across the Midlands delivering eggs to my friends and family.

My Open Letter to Depression

Dear Depression,

You have been in my life for far longer than I ever realised, skulking about in the shadows like a malevolent troll.  You slowly depleted my confidence and wiped the smile from my face, and yet all the time I thought I was to blame.  I believed that I was too weak, too boring, and too insignificant and I almost let you win.

You made me feel so lonely that I believed there was an invisible wall around me.  I began to feel discouraged by everything the future had to offer.  You got to me in so many ways; emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I could no longer find comfort in the things that once helped boost my wellbeing.  You cut me off from the beautiful world and laughed as I floundered in the choking fear that tried to drown me.

Maybe it was you that contributed to the physical pains I endure every day.  My muscles scream with every movement.  I ache all the time, I can’t sleep and I embark on moments on self-destruction with my diet, but I think you feed on these debilitating feelings.  You thrive on negative energy and found an inviting home in my suffering.

10 Things That Being a Mum Has Taught Me #Parenting

10 Things That Being a Mum Has Taught Me. 

When I was in my twenties, I was told I had a very slim chance of ever being a mum.  This news was utterly devastating to me as all I ever wanted was to have children of my own.  I believe it shaped my decision to marry an unsuitable man who already had children from a previous relationship. 

Fortunately, I did conceive, and although the doctors told me they didn’t believe I would go full term, my son ended up being two days late.  I then went on to have another two children and would have happily added to my brood had that unsuitable man been more…suitable!

Believing that motherhood would never be mine I was totally overwhelmed when I did finally hold my son for the first time.  That tiny bundle of happiness will be eighteen this year and that terrifies me more than the thought of giving birth. 

So what have I learnt over the years?  Here is my top ten:

Are You a Confident Person? #MondayBlogs

Are you a confident person?  I have fleeting moments where I am one-hundred-per-cent certain of myself, but equally as many days when I feel unsure and anxious.  Wouldn’t it be lovely to wake up every day full of positive energy?

During my teens and into my adult years, my dad instilled in me the art of ‘acting the part’ when it came to confidence.  He would often tell me to “walk tall with your shoulders back, chest out, and your chin up.” 

Act the part.

It does work.  I have acted confidently on numerous occasions and tricked myself into believing it by using my dad’s sound advice.  When I took part in my first solo holiday in 2006, I was complimented by our tour guide for looking like a seasoned traveller.  When I walked into the bar to meet her for the first time, she had assumed I wasn’t part of her group of singles because I looked so confident.  She went on to tell me how she could normally spot a new solo traveller because they looked frightened to death and often rounded their shoulders or crossed their arms.  I let her in on my secret – I was petrified when I walked into that bar but my dad’s words were echoing in my mind and so I stood up tall and proud. 

Real Women, Real Lives - Meet Heather Von St.James, Mesothelioma Cancer Survivor

Real Women, Real Lives

We are surrounded by inspirational women on a daily basis, they are on the television the radio, or they've written the books we buy or the articles/blog posts we read.  It's easy to put a celebrity on a pedestal and desire their lifestyle, power and determination, but we don't need to turn to the glossy magazines, or the big screen, to find inspirational women who can motivate us to succeed.  They live next door, work alongside us, talk to us at the supermarket.

I wanted to highlight these incredible individuals on my blog.  Women who have succeeded on their chosen path, or turned misfortune into positivity.  Ladies who have conquered illness or gone above and beyond to help others and make a difference.  They are your friend, co-worker and neighbour.  I am honoured to be able to introduce a host of remarkable women for my new feature, Real Women, Real Lives.   Women who are happy to share their motivational journey and the inspiration behind their success.  I hope you enjoy this feature, and as always please feel free to leave us a comment below.

Meet Heather Von St.James, Mesothelioma Cancer Survivor.

For many of us, February is a cold and miserable month that must be suffered through to reach the bounty of Spring that follows.  Today, on my new feature, Real Women, Real Lives, I am joined by a special guest who has this February marked on her calendar as an exceptional month.

Be Careful Who You Spend Time With

I spend ninety percent of my time with my three teenagers.  Maybe this explains why I refuse to grow up!  An eternal teenager, trapped in a forty-something body.  The saying ‘you become like the five people you spend the most time with’ is so true.  One of the issues I faced on my road to self-recovery was the annoying ability I had to give my power away.  I would hand myself over to the first friend, boy or tutor who showed an interest.

Times change and I am happy to say that I’m getting better.  Unfortunately, I do slide back to my old ways now and then, but I’m getting there – slowly.

I’m not sure why I do this, why I feel the need to ‘fit in’ and give my power away as if that’s the only way someone would like me.  No doubt, it stems from a childhood issue that I don’t even remember. 

At the end of 2015, I did my closing down ceremony for the year.  A way to switch off the negativity that surrounded last year, and to start 2016 with fresh energy.  One of the most powerful realisations was about friendship.  I’d done it again – given my power away to energy vampires who had stripped me bare and then spat me out. 

With the ceremony over and a renewed sense of wellbeing, I was in a better place to build my new year.  I decided to look closely at who I was spending the most time with and to build on those relationships that matter and release the ones that didn’t offer me anything positive.

I realised how vital it was to my energy levels that my relationships with family, friends, colleagues and even online acquaintances were nurtured.

Seize Life and Live It Now - Ribbon of Life Experiment

When I ran my Motivate Me workshops several years ago, there was an exercise I did that shocked many of the ladies sat in the audience.  It was an eye-opener for all of us and a simple visualisation of how we shouldn’t ‘wait for the right time’ before we follow our dreams or action our goals.

Try it for yourself:

Take a 100cm length of ribbon and a pair of scissors.

Now ask yourself the following question; “What is the estimated lifespan of an individual?”  When we did this exercise, my group decided that 80 years was about right.  The actual figure is 79 years so they were pretty close.  If you agree, cut 21cm off your ribbon and throw it away.

How to Calm a Busy Mind

January certainly started with a bang for me.  We are two weeks in (how fast has that gone) and I have already hit the number one spot on Amazon with my non-fiction title, How I Changed My Life in a Year  Anyone who is a regular reader of my blog will understand when I say ‘thought’s become things’.  Oh yes, I’m thinking exclusively about successful book sales and hopefully bringing more of it to me!

Next week is the release date for the second book in my young adult fantasy trilogy so I’ve been working hard on publicity and dealing with the fiction side of my writing business.  I am also hosting a vision board workshop, attending a meet the author event and a blogger/author meet up, doing a radio interview (it’s true! I’ll share the link on my blog when it’s over), and I’m an exhibitor and speaker at the It’s Your Life West Midlands^th January. 

Phew, busy month.  When I found this meme on Facebook it made me laugh out loud because I was pulling that exact face when I saw it.

Maybe you feel the same when you are busy? With so much going on it does feel like you have a million tabs open in your brain.  I tend to panic if my computer has more than three pages open at any given time.  If you are starting to feel anxious about all the half-finished projects or the ever increasing to-do list then panic not – I am here to share my plan of action.

What Blogging Taught Me About Myself

As we start a New Year the smell of possibility and new challenges are in the air.  It’s amazing to think that three years ago, I wrote my first blog post.  A post that was to be the beginning of a new chapter in my life and one that would be the catalyst for a life-changing experience.

I have learned so much over the past three years, not just about how to blog, but about myself and who I want to be, and it all began with a list of New Year Resolutions.

What is a resolution? 

The English Oxford Dictionary describes it as, 'a firm decision and the quality of being determined.'

It was on New Year's Eve 2012 when I set myself a challenge; sick of setting resolutions and breaking them before the mince pies ran out, I decided to set a better example and so I wrote a list of twelve resolutions - one for each month of the year.

This list included the usual suspects - lose weight, get fit, iron less and laugh more but I also wanted to challenge myself.  I included things like, 'do something new', 'give up alcohol', 'give up Facebook (that one was tough!) and many more.

Having never blogged before I thought it would be a fun way to keep me motivated.  It also forced me to be accountable for my actions – a bit like having a diet buddy.  But I knew that I wanted to keep it real and blog the lows as well as the highs throughout the year.  

My Organised Life Series - Reduce Stress by Prioritising Tasks

Welcome to 'My Organised Life Series', a feature where we will be looking at various ways to organise yourself and streamline your life.  By the time January 1st rolls around, you will be ready and raring to take on the New Year.

Week 3: Reduce Stress by Prioritising Your Tasks

You can read the first article HERE – Creating a Home Workspace

You can read the second article HERE – Time Management

I have a confession.  I am so unorganised this year that my gift buying, wrapping, and writing of Christmas cards is still incomplete.  Deep down I know that I’m creating a false stress because if I just got on with it, then I would be able to enjoy the festive season.

The stack of unwritten cards sitting on my desk taunts me daily.  I sit at my computer and plough through my to-do list, but at the end of every day I still haven’t written the cards, and I end up adding this task to tomorrow’s list.

My Organised Life Series - Time Management

Welcome to 'My Organised Life Series', a feature where we will be looking at various ways to organise yourself and streamline your life.  By the time January 1st rolls around, you will be ready and raring to take on the New Year.

Week 2: Time Management

(You can read the first article HERE – Creating a Home Workspace)

One of the topics I cover in my Motivate Me workshops is ‘Time Management’.  We all have the same twenty-four hours in a day, but it’s what we do with them that matter.  I often refer to Stephen Covey’s approach, using the Time Matrix.  This is the process of putting your tasks or to-do list into one of four boxes.

• Important and urgent
• Important and not urgent
• Not important and urgent
• Not important and not urgent

Here’s an example for you:

My Organised Life Series - Creating a Home Workspace

Welcome to 'My Organised Life Series'.  Over the next four weeks I will be looking at various ways to organise yourself and streamline your life.  By the time January 1st rolls around, you will be ready and raring to take on the New Year.

Week 1: Creating a Home Workspace

As a writer, I have developed a knack for writing anytime, anywhere.  It can be in a coffee shop a la J.K. Rowling, or on the train during a commute.  I’ve even been known to take a pad and pen into the bath with me!  But, nothing compares to having a desk for my creative pursuits.

Most office workers will have a desk that they call their own, and they can become highly territorial about it.  It’s a place to house your potted plant, family photo, folders, files, a collection of coffee mugs, and somewhere under the mess, a laptop or computer.

Having a desk at home is vital to your wellbeing and sanity.  This is where you can plan, organise and streamline your life.  A dedicated workspace allows you to stay prepared, and be on top of the household comings and goings.

So how can we use our home workspace?