Positive Thinking Series - You Are Not Alone

The way we think has a powerful impact on our day-to-day lives.  Over the next couple of weeks, I will be looking at alternative thought patterns to inject a little positivity into your lives, and help achieve your goals.

You are not alone.

I’ve written about finding your cheerleading squad before, and you can read that post HERE, but I must stress what an important factor it is for our positive outlook – we are not alone.  It can relate to any issue/event we are facing; divorce, weight-loss, depression, self-employment, becoming a parent/carer, grief. 

You may have found like-minded people who can support you already, if not, then prepare yourself.  All of the events I faced throughout my life enabled me to attract people in the same position.  Think about conversations you’ve had with strangers, you may have chatted with a fellow mother as you wait for your children’s swimming class to finish.  You briefly mention that you have anxiety and find out that your stories are very similar.

When I started my holistic health business back in 2008, I was amazed at how many single mothers I had on my client books.  It was like we all gathered in the same spot.  These ladies have become firm friends, and we have supported one another through divorce, life as a single parent, and getting back out there.

Eight things that being a single parent has taught me

It’s the start of the new academic year, and I’ve spent the last couple weeks stocking up on pens and pencils.  We’ve purchased the new uniforms, shoes and bags, and I’ve tried to muster some enthusiasm from my three children.  It happens every year to millions of families across the world.  Dragging unwilling children from their beds on the first day of school would surely be much easier if you had a tag team. 

 

Imagine the scene: Dad takes the first shift, opening the curtains and coaxing the initial groan, and then mum slides in for the second wave with the promise of cookie crisp in their favourite bowl.  The third round involves both parents, one to whip the duvet back and the other to physically extract the child from their warm, cosy bed.  Bringing back any memories?  But how does it differ if you’re a single parent?  It doesn’t, we just have to multi-task!

 

The prospect of being a single mum never crossed my mind as I drove away from my abusive husband, leaving my home and life behind.  We subsequently divorced, and he saw the children every other weekend if work permitted. 

I believed that, although our marriage had broken down, we could still co-parent and be the supportive focus our children needed as they grew up.  As it happens, this rose-coloured ideal wilted faster than an ice-cream in a tropical climate.

How to find the quiet space you crave. #meditation

The school holidays are almost over, and if you are like me, you’ll have a mountain of holiday washing and grey, rain clouds to thwart any attempt to get it done.

My three children are ready to see their friends, and get back to the scheduled lifestyle we know and trust.  As much as I love the school holidays; the getting up late and pleasing ourselves, after six weeks I begin to crave normal. 

There is something strangely reassuring about a six-thirty alarm call, the scrum for the bathroom, and chatting with my kids over breakfast.  I chase them all out of the door at eight and turn my mind to the jobs I have to do before three o’clock, and the evening routine.

There is one thing I’ve noticed more this summer, and that is the inability to find any quiet space.  I hadn’t realised just how much I craved it.  I was lucky enough to go to Italy this year where we trekked around Lake Garda.  We rushed from ancient building to medieval castle, and then ‘relaxed’ with a crazy hour or two in the pool, followed by a beautiful meal in a bustling Italian piazza.  It was a fabulous week, but it wasn’t quiet. 

Recharging Your Mind, Body and Soul

When I was a child, I longed for the endless summer that held the promise of water fights, sleeping under the stars, and picnics on the lawn.  I don’t remember there being as much rain as we get nowadays, or maybe I’ve repressed that memory over the years.

I’m happy to say that my three children also enjoy the outdoorsy summer activities, and don’t spend six weeks attached to the various electrical gizmos that we have dotted around the house.

The school holidays always felt like an epic adventure, waiting to happen.  Maybe that’s the writer in me, or maybe the innocence of a child’s mind.  Whatever it was, I’ve tried for many years to recreate it, without any luck.

It appears that with the arrival of a mortgage, bills, job and children of my own, any childlike glee over the summer holidays packed its bags and went away.  Until now.

Visualisation techniques for a happy life

Way back in the depths of winter I decided to cheer myself up by pre-booking a summer holiday.  It gave me something to look forward to when the weather was grey, and my mood was even darker. 

As I chomped my way through the mince pies and turkey leftovers, I believed that the extra weight I was carrying would be a distant memory by the time my holiday arrived.  Fast forward seven months and my stomach still wobbles when I walk, my boobs get in the way when I bend over to tie my shoelaces and don’t get me started on bat wings!

There is a personal development tool that I should have used to motivate myself toward that bikini fit body.  A technique that can show you what your hopes and wishes will look like, and guide you to make the right choices to manifest them.  That technique is Vision Boarding.

I’ve written about vision boards before as they are one of my favourite personal development tools.  I love the simplicity and the creativity. 

Guest blog: The Ghost of Anxiety by Gloria McBreen

I am honoured to introduce my guest blogger, Gloria McBreen, who is a freelance article writer, blogger and teacher.  You can find Gloria on her website or via Twitter @GloriaMcB

 

10 days in The Valley of Chamonix with my family. A spacious two bedroom apartment overlooking an array of snow capped peaks and a child friendly balcony with a breathtaking view of the magnificent Mont Blanc – poetically described by Percy Shelley as ‘The Mountain that Holds the Spirit of Nature’. Wow!

For my family, hiking in the Alps is the most desirable holiday. We’re not keen on spending our quality time lying on a baking hot crowded beach. The hiking boots and a picnic in a backpack is what give us pleasure. Our time for complete relaxation, absorb a mega boost of vitamin D and an opportunity to rejuvenate the soul.

5 Tips For Releasing Anxiety

After having my daughter, thirteen years ago, I haemorrhaged and had to have a blood transfusion.  It was during this time I discovered I was in the A+ blood group.  Over the years that followed, I began to understand how much my blood type impacted on my life. 

According to the research of Dr. Peter J.D’Adamo, for his book Eat Right For Your Type, the ability to reverse stress and its negative effects lies in our blood type.  For me, this means that I react to the first ‘alarm’ stage of stress.  My adrenals become super-charged, producing anxiety, irritability and hyperactivity.  My immune system gets weaker, and my nervous system becomes more sensitive.  I then become unable to fight infections.  As a Type A I have a more tightly wired system – in blunt, I bottle up all my anxiety! 

How To Find The Laughter In Your Life

When it comes to self-help, there are a plethora of treatments to choose.  Acupuncture, reflexology, reiki, massage, crystals, meditation, art therapy, homeopathic remedies - the list is endless.

Some of these therapies will cost you money, and others can be done with little or no cash.  Meditating, for example, is free, and one of the best gifts you can give yourself.  Another activity that will cost you nothing but boost your wellbeing is laughter.

I am fortunate to be a half-full personality type and together with my positive attitude I also have a tendency to see the funny side of life.  Think about Peter Kaye for a moment, he uses everyday activities and stresses to build up his act, with hilarious results.  Sarah Millican uses her own weight issues to reduce her audience into fits of giggles.  Learning to laugh at yourself can help you to view life with less negativity and emotion.

 

How Crafting Can Help With Wellbeing

A hobby, good book, or even a jigsaw can all soothe the soul when we are searching for a little calm in the swell of our day.

Crafting has, for a long time, been one of the go-to interests for creating the balance we crave.  Just look at the rise in popularity of the adult colouring books on the market.  I subscribe to Art Therapy, a weekly magazine packed with images waiting to be coloured in and displayed around the home.  As an avid meditator, this activity is perfect for me.  I can lose myself in the attention to detail and any disorder in my mind is replaced with a quietness that I can’t find anywhere else.

It’s not just colouring-in that can give you this release.  Take a look at the Stitch Links website, the home of therapeutic knitting since 2005.  They advocate the ‘use it or lose it’ strategy.  A belief that our brain, as well as our muscles, needs to learn something new to stay active.  When we learn a new skill we increase connections within our brain and this in turn can help strengthen our brain against such diseases as Alzheimer’s, depression or chronic pain.

Why We All Need A Cheerleading Squad

As an outgoing and fairly confident woman, I have recently found myself hiding away and sulking – yes, sulking – over a health issue that has taken me by surprise.  I thought only kids had the sulky genes but apparently not.  It appears that I can sulk with the best of them. 

Any health problem can cause anxiety to arise.  Even a common cold will make everything you do seem that much harder. When your body begins to tell you to slow down, you need to listen – I didn’t. 

I have always taken on any task, challenge and goal with enthusiasm, but I’ve also taken them on alone.  It’s a trait that gets me into trouble with my friends and family, as they are so eager to help, and yet we all do it.  Asking for help can sometimes be harder than the actual challenge itself.  Why is that?

Unlocking Your Creativity

Back in February I released my debut fiction book, you may think it strange to hear, but I was slightly nervous about my friends and family grabbing a copy.  As an author, I should be over the moon at the sales, but the majority of my friends aren’t my typical audience.  You see, I write young adult fantasy fiction.  Supernatural stories about sixteen-year-old protagonists who go on a demon hunt with a bunch of faeries and witches.  As it happens, the feedback I’ve received has been overwhelming.  I may have converted a few die-hard historical romance readers over to the dark side.

 

When I receive reviews from my young readers, they gush over the plot and tell me who their favourite character is.  When I ask for feedback from my adult friends, nine times out of ten I get, ‘Oh I wish I was creative, how magical to be born with this talent.’

Does a Tee-Total Life Mean No More Fun?

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reinvented myself.  I’m like a brunette version of Madonna but with less muscle, droopier boobs and a non-existent toy boy.

Reinvention is not always a bad thing.  We may wish to alter our health and wellbeing following an illness.  Perhaps a change in career direction may become necessary due to redundancy, or we might want to grow into a more mature mentality after hitting a respectable age.

As I look back over my life and its many trials and tribulations I realise that instead of reinventing myself I should have been happy with who I was.  I had an insane belief that I needed to bend my character to fit other people.  Maybe I was a chameleon in another life?  Whatever the reason, I’ve spent the last ten years trying to find out who I truly am.

Using a Dropbox to Release Worry, Fear and Anxiety

Ever thought of using a Dropbox to help with anxiety, worry or fear?  Before you all rush off to your laptops and sign up for this service - although who wouldn’t want a place to stash a gazillion photos, doc, videos and files and have instant access? - I’m not referring to the technical Dropbox.  I’m talking about a physical one – a jar, shoebox, or even an envelope, where you can drop off your worries.

I know some of my friends use a gratitude jar.  To use this, they jot down anything they are grateful for during that day or week.  The idea is to empty the jar at the end of the year and have a host of happy and grateful memories to remind yourself of how blessed you are.

The drop off box works in a similar way.  Had a bad day? Jot down why it was bad, who upset you and how you feel about it.  Screw up the piece of paper and drop it in the jar.  Add every worry, fear or anxious thought you have into it.