Over
the past few weeks, I’ve shared my Positive
Thinking Series. We’ve looked at how not to feel alone, learning to believe in
yourself, and taking things one step at a time.
Last week we talked about how to have a good day, and you can read that
post HERE.
Today
I want to talk about failure. An odd
topic to discuss on a motivational site, however, failing is part of life, and
it’s how we deal with this aspect that shapes how we cope with future events
and situations.
Many
of us shy away from even saying the word ‘failure’. If you are a parent then failing is a taboo
subject, even sports day has changed to accommodate all the physical needs of a
child to ensure no-one ‘fails’. I could
argue that a bit of healthy competition is good for the soul, but I think that’s
a whole post on its own!
So
what do I mean when I say failure? When
I got divorced, I felt like a
failure. My parents have been married
forever, as were my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I was the one who had tainted this pristine
record. It didn’t matter at the time
that I was leaving a violent relationship, in my head I’d failed.
It
took me many years to realise what I had learned from this experience. Yes, I have a failed marriage under my belt,
but I gained so much more. You could
say, I learned how to fail well!
When
I took away any judgement, I was able to look at my particular situation with total
clarity. Without failure, I wouldn’t have progressed from the dark days of my
married life to the utterly incredible
life I’ve made for myself now. I embrace
my failings, and I use the lessons to
evolve.
Think
about a situation where you felt like you failed. Maybe it was a project you took part in but didn’t
finish, or a weight loss regime you abandoned
at the sight of a cream cake.
It’s
time to understand that we do stumble, we do fail, but this doesn’t stop us
from getting back on track with more knowledge and understanding. The more we fail, the better we become at
dealing with our emotions, and situations.
Allow
yourself a moment to sulk! We are only
human after all, and after something has gone wrong,
it’s only natural to feel sorry for yourself.
The trick is to keep all moping to a minimum and then pick yourself back
up and try again.
In
November, I am taking part in my third NaNoWriMo contest, this is a writing
competition where I have to write a 50,000 word novel during the 30 days of
November. Over 350,000 people take part worldwide,
but only around 15% cross the finish line.
Those writers’ who don’t finish may feel upset or angry, they may be
frustrated because they didn’t manage to write every day and fell behind? But, they will all sign up again
the following year and give it another go.
When
they return they will have learnt a valuable lesson, this may be to plot out the story they wish to write, or
allocate an hour a day dedicated to their NaNo task. They didn’t fail;
they built knowledge that will help them in the future.
Stop
thinking about failure as the ‘f’ word, and start to embrace the stumbles in
your life. Sit back and think, ‘what
lesson do I need to learn from this?’
Don’t
beat yourself up over a setback; successful people see this as an opportunity. Accept any failure with a smile and determination to come back bigger and better
than before.
My divorce too meant I have the incredible life I have today.
ReplyDeleteWe all have the ability to find the positive in a negative, I'm so pleased you did this too. Thanks for sharing x
DeleteInspiring post as always Shelley. Picking yourself up, dusting yourself down, and starting all over again and, as you say, seeing what you can learn from this turns 'failure' into success. You are in inspiration to us all so you certainly aren't a failure! Think it's the wonderful Wayne Dyer who said there's no such as thing as failure - just another opportunity, or words to that effect :-) xx
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sue. xx
DeleteI can't bear it when my children (who are now grown men, by the way) suffer a setback or a disappointment. Nevertheless, I really believe it's important to learn to fail and how to cope with it. Life sucks a lot of the time, so we need the tools to be able to accept this. Sulking take a lot of energy that should be better employed elsewhere.
ReplyDelete